Pain and Sex
Painful sex is never normal.
Due to the lack of education about sex, and years of hearing half-truths, many women think pain with sex is typical or normal. They believe that pain might just be part of what every woman experiences with sex.
False.
If you are experiencing painful penetration, the three reasons I address here are potential causes that have solutions that you can take control over right now.
However, if these more common causes don’t seem to be the issue, then I encourage you to seek help from your medical provider. Preferably, start with an OB/GYN doctor or a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. A qualified healthcare provider can assess more involved issues causing dyspareunia. Dyspareunia is the medical term for genital pain that occurs just before, during or after intercourse. Though certainly not an exhaustive list, a few examples of conditions that might cause pain would be: hormonal changes that decrease lubrication and elasticity of the vagina; ovarian cysts; fibroids; endometriosis; skin irritation or inflammation; infection; or vaginismus.
There are solutions, and I strongly encourage you to seek the help.
Tips on talking about sexual health with your healthcare provider HERE.
Three Common Causes
1. Not enough “arousal” time before penetration
Women’s bodies require sufficient time for arousal in order to get to a place of desiring anything entering their vagina. Allowing time for increased arousal will give your vagina and vulva the time they need to lubricate. This also increases blood flow which allows your vagina to soften and lengthen. All of these arousal responses help ensure that you don’t feel pain during sex.
Take your time!
2. Not enough lubrication before penetration
Lubrication is absolutely necessary for penetrative sex not to result in pain. Some women’s bodies produce a lot of natural lubricant, and some don’t. Both are normal! It is important to understand how your own body functions and if you naturally lubricate enough for pleasure or if you need added lubrication. Many women need or desire more lube than they produce -- sometimes all the time, and sometimes at varying seasons in their lives. Some possible causes of decreased lubrication might be: hormonal changes, medications, menopause, postpartum or breastfeeding, and aging.
There are many lube options available, read about them HERE.
3. Positioning
If certain sex positions are painful for you then by all means, STOP using that position or figure out ways to modify that position so it doesn’t hurt. Often a certain position may be uncomfortable because penetration is too hard or too deep. An easy adjustment for this is to try positions where you are in charge of how deep and how hard. Women sometimes find that positions where they are on top allows them this kind of control. There are also options to customize penetration depth with devices such as Ohnut rings.
Gently try different positions and evaluate what works or doesn’t work for you.
What usually happens if someone has pain with sex?
They stop desiring it and ultimately stop having it altogether. Communication with your partner is crucial in working through pain with sex. Be honest with them. Talk about what is going on with your body and what you want to do about it. Take a step toward breaking the silence.
You do NOT have to give up on sex!
Learn more on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast
Pelvic Health and Painful Sex
* links are not sponsored content, but if you want to try Ohnut mentioned above, they offer my community 15% with code CINDY
