Why vibrators work for women & how to choose one
There can be a lot of stigma around vibrators and sex toys, but the reality is they don’t have to be scary or overwhelming. And they certainly aren’t bad or taboo. Think of using a vibrator as a sexy experiment, a helpful tool, or an enhancement for pleasure - for yourself, for your partner or for sharing as a couple.
Why vibrators work for women:
The majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. A vibrator is one way to get that kind of intense stimulation. Lots of women use vibrators for solo play and exploration. Many women say they like using a vibrator with a partner, because it speeds up their arousal. Heterosexual couples might use a vibrator to combine intercourse with direct clitoral stimulation. Seniors often comment that a vibrator is the best way to get the stimulation they need to orgasm. These are just examples, there is no one right way to use a vibrator. The fun is in experimenting, and figuring out how one works best for you, or for you and your partner.
Four questions to consider before you choose one
How do you want to use it?
Do you want it specifically for clitoral stimulation, for vaginal penetration, or for both at the same time? Is this for solo play, partnered sex or for both?
How much power and how many options do you want it to have?
How much power and how many vibrational options do you want it to have? Consider the number of speed levels and variations in pressure. Do you want a suction or air puffs option? How many types of vibration patterns do want to be able to access. Basically, do you want to keep it simple or are you looking for a lot of bells and whistles?
Do you care about aesthetics?
i.e. how it looks, what it is made out of, and the texture or feel of the material. For example, do you want it to be phallic shaped (like a penis) or smaller in size - perhaps to fit right into your hand or even on your fingers.
How about noise level?
Do you need it to be whisper quiet or “turbo charged” is fine?
If you are a first time toy buyer:
It’s probably best to choose something simple that doesn’t feel overwhelming to look at. I recommend that you first use the vibrator on your inner thigh or arm and play with the speeds and vibrations. Do not immediately put it on your vulva and specifically your clitoris or clitoral hood until you have a good idea how it operates and feels. Every woman and each body is different. If one toy doesn’t seem right for you, that doesn’t mean no toy is right for you. It may take trying out a few - this is normal. Remember, as you go through seasons of life in your body, there will be shifts and changes. Stay curious about that, and adjust accordingly.
If you are buying a toy to use with a partner:
I highly recommend picking it out together. This allows for discussion about how you’ll use it and what appeals to both of you - always a good idea!
Oftentimes, one partner may be ready to introduce a toy and the other is hesitant or frankly has never even thought about it. Communication is essential. Remember a toy doesn’t talk, caress, kiss or cuddle. For couples, it’s an addition, not a replacement. Consent from both partners before adding something new into your intimacy is a must. Sometimes partners may feel they should be “enough” and if a vibrator is needed or desired then “something is wrong with you,” or “something is wrong with me.” This might stem from many things, perhaps a lack of sex education - especially about female bodies, false cultural narratives, toys being seen as taboo or negative past experiences. If talking about sex with your partner is difficult, as a segue you might read this blog together and start a conversation about why it might be helpful or fun or sexy to add a toy to the bedroom.
Pointing you in a direction to get started.
Picking vibrator for the first time can feel a bit daunting. New things, especially related to sex, often make people feel uncomfortable. You are not alone if you feel afraid to go into a store and buy a vibrator, or feel a bit nervous about starting with one. But guess what? You can buy one online and test it out without ever having to interact with a human being. Many companies often send them in discreet packaging, too, so you don’t feel uncomfortable pulling it out of your mailbox. Female-owned companies that I recommend are below. They sell unique vibrators, toys and have a reputation for offering high quality products.
MAUDE (use discount code CINDY10)
INTIMATE WELLBEING (use discount code CINDY15)
DAME
More on this topic
The clitoris it’s a network!
Vibrators, Edging & Anal Sex
Couples, Communication & Sex
Anatomy 101
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