10 ways to be sexual without masturbating
In a recent Q & A someone asked me,
“How can you value yourself sexually besides through masturbation?”
This is a beautiful example of someone being sexually curious. They feel a desire to value or appreciate themselves as a sexual being.
Self-touching or masturbation is one healthy way to be sexual, but is certainly not the only way. You can be sexual outside of masturbating. There are an abundance of ways for practicing pleasure.
10 ideas to help you explore being a sexual person, and none of them involve self-touching.
Think of yourself as a sexual being. If this is new for you, begin to see and acknowledge yourself as sexual. Even say it out loud to yourself to get comfortable with this natural and normal part of you. Read my letter to young women
Explore your own sexual ethic. What is your attitude and what are your values about sex? What matters to you? Try not to compare to others or media. Investigate and re-evaluate attitudes that may no longer be serving you.
Get curious about what feels sexual to you, what sparks arousal, what sex means to you. These are normal questions to ask and answer for yourself as an ongoing conversation.
Use your senses to engage with pleasure. What sounds, sights, smells, tastes, non-sexual touches feel pleasurable? How might you engage with senses to experience pleasure. Here is a blog with specific ideas.
Express yourself and your sexual energy through movement or dance. Use music or quiet, wear clothes or don’t, move with other’s or alone. Allow yourself the freedom to move and be fully present in your body.
Pursue self-touch that feels comfortable to you. For example: stroke your arm, hug yourself, massage your scalp, circle your palm with your fingers, dry brush your skin. Close your eyes and notice the sensations you feel.
Make yourself a sensual playlist. As you listen, pay attention to what you feel and where you feel it in your body. You may just enjoy listening or using the music along with movement.
Eye gaze with yourself in the mirror. Communicate care and tenderness to yourself through your gaze. Speak affirmations over yourself without vocal words – just using your eyes.
Begin a mindfulness practice. Take a few minutes every day to get quiet, breathe, and pay attention to the present moment without judgement. I highly recommend Dr. Brotto’s book, or listen to our conversation in this two-part episode on the podcast.
Be in community with others who talk about sexual topics in a healthy way. Find a friend that is open to healthy conversations or my podcast community is a beautiful place to do this as you listen and learn along with others all around the world.
