Book Review: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you.
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal won the American Academy of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Book of the Year in 2010. It’s been around a while and remains a steadfast favorite of many.
Winston’s writing is easy to understand, and she comes across like a more experienced, sensual, big sister. Packed with education on women’s anatomy and physiology, this practical guide includes sections for '‘Play and Practice,” allowing you to get practical with the material.
If you are open to erotic exploration outside the so-called box, you will find this book both enriching and entertaining. Through drawings, art, quotes, and poetry, Winston educates on energy, breathing, a little magic, and a lot of “higher-level, whole-system perspective.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and Winston’s “in-depth, illustrated tour of the land of female genitalia, feminine sexuality and the intimate erotic arts.”
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
10 Ideas To Help You Explore Being a Sexual Person (No Masturbation Required)
Can I be sexual without masturbating? Absolutely! Here are 10 ideas to help you explore being a sexual person, and none of them involve self-touching.
In a recent Q & A someone asked me,
“How can you value yourself sexually besides through masturbation?”
This is a beautiful example of someone being sexually curious. They feel a desire to value or appreciate themselves as a sexual being.
Self-touching or masturbation is one healthy way to be sexual, but is certainly not the only way. You can be sexual outside of masturbating. Being an evolving sexual person is more than the act of having sex!
10 ideas to help you explore being a sexual person, and none of them involve Masturbation
Think of yourself as a sexual being. If this is new for you, begin to see and acknowledge yourself as sexual. Even say it out loud to yourself to get comfortable with this natural and normal part of you. Read my letter to young women or explore this more in my book Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
Explore your sexual ethic. Ask yourself questions like the following: What is your attitude about sex? What are your values around sex? What matters to you? What does sex mean to you? Try not to compare to others or media. Investigate and re-evaluate attitudes that may no longer be serving you. Consider journaling if it helps, or talk with a trusted friend.
Get curious about what feels sexual to you and where you feel that in your body. Arousal can come from things other than touch such as your imagination or something that you see. What sparks signs of arousal and do you recognize them in your brain and body? These are normal questions to ask yourself as an ongoing conversation through the seasons of your life.
Use your senses to engage with pleasure - embrace your sensuality. What sounds, sights, smells, tastes, non-sexual touches feel pleasurable in your body? How might you intentionally engage your senses to experience more pleasure. Here is a blog with specific ideas.
Express yourself and your sexual energy through movement or dance. Use music or quiet, wear clothes or don’t, move with other’s or alone. Allow yourself the freedom to move and be fully present in your body. Not as a performance, just for you alone. Then, pause and ask yourself what that energy feels like and where it is moving within your body.
Pursue non-sexual touch that feels comfortable to you. For example: stroke your arm, hug yourself, massage your scalp, circle your palm with your fingers, dry brush your skin. Close your eyes and notice the sensations you feel. Can you describe them?
Make yourself a sensual playlist. Find songs that make you feel things in your body, spark curiosity or prompt desires. As you listen, pay attention to what it is you think or feel. Add and delete songs over time and as you change. Take it a step further by adding movement.
Eye gaze with yourself in the mirror. Communicate care and tenderness to yourself through your gaze. Speak affirmations over yourself without vocal words – just using your eyes. Offer affirmations about your body, your mind, your sensuality —all of you!
Begin a mindfulness practice. Take a few minutes every day to get quiet, breathe, and pay attention to the present moment without judgement. Practice keeping your mind in the present with your body. Learn more in Dr. Brotto’s book, or listen to our conversation together in this two-part episode on the podcast.
Be in community with others who talk about sexual topics in a healthy way. Find a friend that is open to conversations or come over to my podcast community — a safe place to listen and learn along with others all around the world. Have your book club read my book and discuss it. I’ll even join you on zoom for a little Q & A!
Book Review: 'Becoming Cliterate' by Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.
The author, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters —And How to Get it.’
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters - And How To Get It’ in her book Becoming Cliterate. This is a worthwhile read for any woman, but I especially like it for women in their 20-30’s.
Becoming Cliterate won the 2019 Consumer Book of the Year Award from the Society of Sex Therapy and Research for “enhancing understanding of human sexuality and solving sexual problems.” The word I hear most often from women to describe how they feel after reading this book is “empowered!”
Mintz draws on her many years of teaching college aged women with her sassy, articulate, and funny writing style. This makes the book easy to read as well as entertaining. It is written almost like a guide and includes exercises, an abundance of tips and strategies as well as a section written specifically for men, (because honestly, don’t we want everyone to be cliterate!)
This book will increase your knowledge of the clitoris, masturbation, orgasm, female pleasure and communication with a partner in a non-clinical language you can easily receive. Myths will be debunked and truths will be told with the science to back it up. Included at the end is an appendix “Cool Tidbits For Your Lady Bits” that highlights resources - love that!
You can hear Laurie talk about these topics and her book in Episode 2 of the Permission for Pleasure Podcast! HERE
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
My Letter To Young Women
What did you grow up hearing about your body and developing sexuality? Was it positive and affirming or do words like “dirty,” “bad” and “shameful” come to mind? You are not alone.
You are a human woman and your humanness includes being a sexual being. Your female body, as well as the curiosity and arousal you feel as a sexual human woman, is normal. This is part of the beautiful complexity of how you are designed.
Rather than embracing the exquisite way we are made as women, we develop ways to hide it and even come to hate it. We are propelled along this path both overtly and covertly by what we are taught within our families, culture and by religious teaching.
What did you grow up hearing about your body and developing sexuality? Was it positive and affirming or do words like “dirty,” “bad” and “shameful” come to mind? You are not alone. Did you grow up with a resounding silence around your femaleness? Silence about your genitals, silence about your body changing, and silence regarding sex. You are not alone.
The vast majority of girls in North America grow up with this kind of messaging and/or with silence surrounding their sexuality. These negative messages plant themselves like seeds into our minds and bodies. What often grows from those seeds is shame.
Shame is the result of thinking or hearing, “I am bad.” Shame is different from guilt. Guilt is the result of thinking “I did something bad.” Shame can also be the result of silence. So, whether you experienced silence about sex, or negative messaging that left you feeling you are “bad,” both of these scenarios can lead to the shame cycle. For a long time now, our culture and some religious teachings have used this shaming as a way of teaching the purity message, especially to girls. It’s a subliminal way of spelling out who we are to be as females, how we are to act as “good girls,” and the negative narrative about if we fail to meet these expectations.
Author and shame researcher Brené Brown states, “Shame is not a compass for moral behavior.” I believe this is true. Shame is a lousy compass and presents us with directions that lead to roads of silence, self-lies and sexual disgust. It hides the pathways to healthy body image and sexuality.
While it is extremely difficult for us as women to change this negative mantra and the lies that have taken root in our minds and bodies; it is possible. Not only is it possible, but it is absolutely crucial for us as we travel the journey of becoming whole, healthy humans. How do we shift away from our body-hating, and our buried self-disgust of our sexuality? What steps can we take to move into affirming acceptance of ourselves and ultimately come to a place of embracing our body as she is?
First we must remind ourselves that our body image does not include adjectives such as “dirty,” “bad” or “shameful.” We must tell ourselves over and over that we do not need to deny our femaleness; we do not have to hate our bodies. It is important to really think through the negative messages we have absorbed over the years and decide if they honestly hold true for us or if we need to let them go. Another step we can take is to give ourselves permission to look at our genitals, actually use a mirror and become acquainted with our good and beautiful body as she is. There is nothing shameful or wrong about understanding our body and how she works. Lastly, we can be mindful and come to understand that sexual pleasure for women is beautiful and we are equipped with the sexual anatomy to experience that pleasure.
I urge you to remind each other of our female uniqueness. Seize opportunities to encourage the women in your life toward acceptance of the goodness in how we are beautifully made. Speak the words of truth to each other - that we are beloved, fully accepted and truly loved as we are right now. As we do these things, we will begin to break the silence surrounding female sexuality. The silence that is within ourselves and amongst ourselves that hinders us from embracing the beautiful creation of woman. The beautiful creation of YOU.
Cindy
