Tips for intimacy with ADHD
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by hyperactivity, restlessness, impulsive actions, and trouble paying attention. These symptoms may be influencing your sex life. There is very little available research around this topic, but I have gathered some tips that may help you to stay anchored and engaged to enjoy sex and experience more intimacy.
Communicate with your partner. Be open about what you need, what helps you stay present and the things that make intimacy difficult for you. Honest dialogue will allow you and your partner to create intimacy that works for both of you. Sexual communication is key.
Eliminate distractions in your bedroom. Are the lights too bright? Are the sounds too loud? Is there a TV on? What can you remove or change in your environment to keep your attention on the sensations you’re feeling and your partner?
Add variety and mix things up to keep your attention active.
Narrate your experience or have your partner narrate.
Experience with playing different kinds of music to see if this facilitates your focus.
Pick the time of day that’s best for you. First thing in the morning not your thing? Meet up for an afternoon delight date or try an evening sex date. Experiment with finding your ideal intimacy time window.
Try scheduling sex which allows you time to mentally prepare for it.
Exercise regularly. Activity can support focus and decrease symptoms.
Talk to your healthcare provider about your ADHD medication. Do you have side effects that are affecting your libido? Is the timing of your ADHD medication working well with the time of day you are often sexually active? Most often, taking your ADHD medication will help you to focus and enjoy the sex you are having.
Learn about mindfulness and start a practice. Mindfulness has been shown to improve general attention and concentration in people with ADHD. I highly recommend Dr. Lori Brotto’s book on mindfulness techniques as a way to get started.
Meet with a trained sex therapist. Talk therapy may be helpful for you alone, or with your partner, to open healthy conversations around intimacy in and out of bed.
Learn more about these topics
Talking with a partner about sex
Sexual Communication
Sexify your space
Book review: Better Sex Through Mindfulness
Scheduling sex
Create a sexy playlist
Sex on the brain
