Foreplay: Using your senses
Our brain has a sexual excitement system that uses our senses to scan around for sexually relevant stimuli. This system is always working under our conscious level. I want to encourage the idea of consciously activating this system, by using your senses and imagination with intentionality. When we use our mind and engage our senses, we send signals to our brain to “tune in” and those signals can then help press the “on” button to stimulate arousal.
Here are some very simple ideas to spark your thinking and get you started. Get curious and try one thing that brings a new element into your lovemaking. Again the idea is to activate your senses with intention. Keep in mind my friends that sex doesn’t have to be serious and precious all the time. It can be playful, fun and make you laugh together as well. Keep the focus on pleasure!
SEE
Turn the lights on or use a dimmer switch for soft light
Use candlelight
Watch yourself or your partner in a mirror
Use a blindfold
Keep your clothes on
Keep one piece of clothing/shoes on
Dance for your partner, have your partner dance for you
SMELL
Candle & Aromatherapy: here are a few researched options to consider: Sandalwood, Jasmine, Peppermint, Lavender, Ylang ylang, Pumpkin (for men), Almond (for women), Vanilla, Licorice, Cinnamon, Basil, Citrus
Scented lube or scented body massage oil or scented massage candle (Maude’s are lovely)
Scented bathing products
TASTE
Feed each other
Create and enjoy a fruit feast on your body or your partner’s body,
Share a mint back and forth as you kiss, or chocolate or another treat
Edible lube
Edible massage oil
HEAR
Create a sexy playlist: choose songs with rhythms that feel erotic to you or with words that resonate for you and your partner, make the list together if possible
Play ocean waves or raindrops on a sound machine (or whatever sound feels romantic)
Choose a “sex song” or two or three - when you hear the song let your mind engage with sexual thoughts of your partner. Send the song to your lover when you are thinking of them.
Tell your partner out loud what you like, communicate your pleasure, make some noise
TOUCH
All over the body not just the genitals
Try this pleasure touch exercise
Massage each other
Feathers for light touching
Scarves for drawing along your body or touching through the silky fabric
Dabble with temperature play using hot and cold sensations
IMAGINE
Acknowledge your fantasies in your own mind
Share fantasies with one another
Act out fantasies or dip a toe into role play
Bring to mind memories of passionate sexual encounters you have had. These can be erotic keepsakes that you can open and replay in your mind
Remind your partner of pleasurable and hot sex you have had together. Share the details as sexy foreplay
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